The words leave her in a rush, because it's to hard to keep straight. She's been jealous of him for ages, in little ways and little moments - the way people just do sometimes. This? Is too bitter to swallow.
He gets to know he's going to make it unscathed, while she has to accept living on borrow time. He gets to be pissy about how she can't keep Hitori and his Other separate, but every revelation about the Major just underscores how fucking isolating this is because Togusa never has answers for her the way she seems to be for him.
"I'm not mad at you! I don't want to be mad at you!"
She's being childish and unfair and damn everything - she's so tired of just moving on. It hurts but she's alive so she has to keep going.
"End of the tunnel and you get a family- a wife and kids and you get to be flesh and blood and even when it's shitty you manage to come out in one piece. And she's just a fucking robot, following orders because that's what she's there for. She picks people and collects them because she knows what they're good for."
She hears herself breath, the sharp pull of air into her lungs - even as she tries to will herself to shut up. This isn't the important part. She knows it isn't, but it hurts. It feels like a slap in the face and she's already said too much.
"I don't want to be mad at you. I'm not." She slips to Japanese that makes her tongue feels like it's creaking, familiar and poisonous all at once.
"I'm so angry and so tired and I don't understand how you do it. I don't think I can. I'm not like you, Hitori. And I'm like her. I KNOW that I'm like her. But not enough and if I become anymore like her - I'm going to lose it."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-03-01 04:05 am (UTC)The words leave her in a rush, because it's to hard to keep straight. She's been jealous of him for ages, in little ways and little moments - the way people just do sometimes. This? Is too bitter to swallow.
He gets to know he's going to make it unscathed, while she has to accept living on borrow time. He gets to be pissy about how she can't keep Hitori and his Other separate, but every revelation about the Major just underscores how fucking isolating this is because Togusa never has answers for her the way she seems to be for him.
"I'm not mad at you! I don't want to be mad at you!"
She's being childish and unfair and damn everything - she's so tired of just moving on. It hurts but she's alive so she has to keep going.
"End of the tunnel and you get a family- a wife and kids and you get to be flesh and blood and even when it's shitty you manage to come out in one piece. And she's just a fucking robot, following orders because that's what she's there for. She picks people and collects them because she knows what they're good for."
She hears herself breath, the sharp pull of air into her lungs - even as she tries to will herself to shut up. This isn't the important part. She knows it isn't, but it hurts. It feels like a slap in the face and she's already said too much.
"I don't want to be mad at you. I'm not." She slips to Japanese that makes her tongue feels like it's creaking, familiar and poisonous all at once.
"I'm so angry and so tired and I don't understand how you do it. I don't think I can. I'm not like you, Hitori. And I'm like her. I KNOW that I'm like her. But not enough and if I become anymore like her - I'm going to lose it."