Togusa (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
standalonehuman) wrote2030-01-27 12:00 pm
standalonehuman) wrote2030-01-27 12:00 pm
Recolle IC Inbox
Togusa
This is Togusa. Feel free to message me at any time.
VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION
Make it sound paranoid, I can't give you the REAL answers you're looking for if Retrospec is watching. That sort of thing.
[While he just watches the thread and goes to make popcorn.]
[While he just watches the thread and goes to make popcorn.]
"So I have a black box in my head. Great."
"I got a piece of tech that will let me review the memories. Literally play through them like a video. I'd imagine that you'll get something similar, but if you want to try it out, I can bring it to you."
"Much as I trust hard copy more than electronic records, it's been a good help sometimes."
"Much as I trust hard copy more than electronic records, it's been a good help sometimes."
[ As soon as he gets the text directly to his phone, he sends the details over to Togusa. ]
there
can you work with that
there
can you work with that
It's late by the time she manages to get to Togusa's office, her moodiness fully set in by the time she knocks on the door. While it's not anyone's fault besides Retrospec, she's come to hate these moments that keep happening. Something changes and the world feels like it's going to end and she and Hitori end up clinging to each other for dear life. They don't talk about how the hold is strangling in it's intensity.
Every day that passes, he's less of a person and more like a wound. It reminds her of her mother; the way thoughts immediately transform into pain and it makes her want to fight someone - anyone - to get her mind and her heart back.
Still she's here because he asked. Because he would do the same.
I'm here. She directs thought at him out of habit and winces. Because she knows that it's not HER habit. Fuck this reincarnation bullshit.
Every day that passes, he's less of a person and more like a wound. It reminds her of her mother; the way thoughts immediately transform into pain and it makes her want to fight someone - anyone - to get her mind and her heart back.
Still she's here because he asked. Because he would do the same.
I'm here. She directs thought at him out of habit and winces. Because she knows that it's not HER habit. Fuck this reincarnation bullshit.
Why has he decided to do this here? It was easier, so much easier, to bring Mariko to where all the data is. To the little nest he's built up around his obsession. Around Retrospec. Around the other Togusa's memories. Around Mariko.
When he opens the door, he is ready for the sight in front of him this time. He can look her in the eyes, the, to his view, unblinking eyes and painted smile. He's had enough time to adjust, and he knows that it's her underneath the mask Retrospec has put there.
"Come on in." His habit, and his, speaking aloud.
The black folders are everywhere, stacked in piles on his desk, notes on nearly everything the city has gone through over the last two years are printed or scribbled across kilograms of paper. Front and center, lying open in the middle of the desk, is that damned book again. Catcher. She might not even have to look to know what page it's open to.
But Togusa makes a move for none of it, even shoves some of it back from the edge of his desk, and takes one of the two seats in front of the desk, rather than sitting behind it.
A bottle. Two glasses.
It's sake, not whiskey. But it's her game, she should know the rules. An offering, almost ritualistic, of questions, and truth. If she is willing to even hear it.
When he opens the door, he is ready for the sight in front of him this time. He can look her in the eyes, the, to his view, unblinking eyes and painted smile. He's had enough time to adjust, and he knows that it's her underneath the mask Retrospec has put there.
"Come on in." His habit, and his, speaking aloud.
The black folders are everywhere, stacked in piles on his desk, notes on nearly everything the city has gone through over the last two years are printed or scribbled across kilograms of paper. Front and center, lying open in the middle of the desk, is that damned book again. Catcher. She might not even have to look to know what page it's open to.
But Togusa makes a move for none of it, even shoves some of it back from the edge of his desk, and takes one of the two seats in front of the desk, rather than sitting behind it.
A bottle. Two glasses.
It's sake, not whiskey. But it's her game, she should know the rules. An offering, almost ritualistic, of questions, and truth. If she is willing to even hear it.
There's something that stings, in the sight of those papers on his desk. She knows him, knows that when something doesn't feel right that he gathers information and stews. Togusa reads and connects and conjectures until something starts to make sense. This much means he's stumbled on something that's startled him or he's failing to put it together.
To that end, the sake on the table gives her pause. There are questions he knows she isn't going to like and answers that she'll like even less. But the game is supplication. Or maybe that Her Togusa is still in there somewhere.
"What's wrong?"
She tries not to wince at the archness in her tone, but this whole thing has her on edge and she is nowhere near being able to comfort Togusa - even though she wants to.
To that end, the sake on the table gives her pause. There are questions he knows she isn't going to like and answers that she'll like even less. But the game is supplication. Or maybe that Her Togusa is still in there somewhere.
"What's wrong?"
She tries not to wince at the archness in her tone, but this whole thing has her on edge and she is nowhere near being able to comfort Togusa - even though she wants to.
The tone cuts straight through into Togusa, and it sets the stage in a different way than he truly wanted it to be. There is no hiding from this, no flinching from what has to come. He's not the one that needs comfort here.
"I'm seeing things." He can start out as blunt about the core of the problem as she is.
"Whatever is going wrong, recently. Whether it's Vanderweele actively reaching out to mess with us. Or something has gotten out of balance without Retrospec's hands at the wheel? It's gotten to me, next."
"Doesn't make me special. It's happening to all of us." Instantly cuts down on his earlier temptation to the pity party that he fell into with Tatsuo. He will cut himself off at the knees on that front. "But it's brought a memory up. Something I haven't talked to you about."
"I kept telling myself I didn't want to turn you into some cipher, as if you had any more answers than I did. But I went too far the other way. And not saying anything at all isn't going to protect either of us."
A pause. "Not that you need protecting, but damn if I didn't want to try for once in our lives."
"I'm seeing things." He can start out as blunt about the core of the problem as she is.
"Whatever is going wrong, recently. Whether it's Vanderweele actively reaching out to mess with us. Or something has gotten out of balance without Retrospec's hands at the wheel? It's gotten to me, next."
"Doesn't make me special. It's happening to all of us." Instantly cuts down on his earlier temptation to the pity party that he fell into with Tatsuo. He will cut himself off at the knees on that front. "But it's brought a memory up. Something I haven't talked to you about."
"I kept telling myself I didn't want to turn you into some cipher, as if you had any more answers than I did. But I went too far the other way. And not saying anything at all isn't going to protect either of us."
A pause. "Not that you need protecting, but damn if I didn't want to try for once in our lives."
The breath she draws in at his admission of hallucinations is sharp and quiet. All at once, she wants to ask him what he’s seeing and avoid the question entirely. It does contextualize why everything feels so wrong; if there’s no answer to ‘why is this going wrong’ then it’s little wonder that Togusa is adrift.
That tone from him, however, is an entirely different story. Hearing Togusa cut his own feeling off so starkly nearly disorients her. For a moment, because he’s admitted that he can’t see her face, Mariko just stares at him in bewilderment. He sounds like she used to - when she first realized the hurt was never going to go away. That echo seeds a familiar rage in her and it’s so much clearer without the fear for his life to muffle it.
He’s supposed to be the one that’s okay in the end. Togusa hurts and gets horrified and digs to fix it. He’s not supposed to accept it, not even a little.
A hard huff comes out instead of ‘Shut up’ or ‘Stop it’. No instead, she starts counting how many fingernails she’s going to take of Vanderweele when they catch him.
But Togusa is still confessing and she can’t help but really watch him. It feels like reading too much but he’s always been one of those really engaged listeners- it’s been one the reasons why lying to him directly almost never flew. Not the method for Togusa is information suppression and non-answers so he knows that she will not be talking to him about ...whatever subject.
If not for the first admission, she would have assumed that it was her eyes - that she’s too close to the Major and by proxy, his Other. He can’t quite handle whatever he’s seeing so he takes any opportunity to look away from her and drags his gaze back to her when he knows he should. It’s a good ruse, though - she’s probably one of the only folks who can see it on him so plainly.
It’s bleeding into his body language, as he drags everything in himself back to this conversation that he very clearly doesn’t want to have.
“How about you tell me what you’re sitting on and I can decide how mad I am at you, Hitori.”
Even on her best days, she’s never been able to master the right tone for irritated joking and for that moment - she sounds like herself. But the rest of her body language gives away her frustration; her tension flickers on and off like a light switch. She stills, forcing her usual stance and stiffening up when she thinks he isn’t looking. But even at their worst, he’s still him and she’s pretty sure she still herself so Mariko can’t help the way the truth tumbles out of her mouth.
“I could be ready to knock you out; but you’re the only person I...”
And classic Mariko, it’s too much.
That tone from him, however, is an entirely different story. Hearing Togusa cut his own feeling off so starkly nearly disorients her. For a moment, because he’s admitted that he can’t see her face, Mariko just stares at him in bewilderment. He sounds like she used to - when she first realized the hurt was never going to go away. That echo seeds a familiar rage in her and it’s so much clearer without the fear for his life to muffle it.
He’s supposed to be the one that’s okay in the end. Togusa hurts and gets horrified and digs to fix it. He’s not supposed to accept it, not even a little.
A hard huff comes out instead of ‘Shut up’ or ‘Stop it’. No instead, she starts counting how many fingernails she’s going to take of Vanderweele when they catch him.
But Togusa is still confessing and she can’t help but really watch him. It feels like reading too much but he’s always been one of those really engaged listeners- it’s been one the reasons why lying to him directly almost never flew. Not the method for Togusa is information suppression and non-answers so he knows that she will not be talking to him about ...whatever subject.
If not for the first admission, she would have assumed that it was her eyes - that she’s too close to the Major and by proxy, his Other. He can’t quite handle whatever he’s seeing so he takes any opportunity to look away from her and drags his gaze back to her when he knows he should. It’s a good ruse, though - she’s probably one of the only folks who can see it on him so plainly.
It’s bleeding into his body language, as he drags everything in himself back to this conversation that he very clearly doesn’t want to have.
“How about you tell me what you’re sitting on and I can decide how mad I am at you, Hitori.”
Even on her best days, she’s never been able to master the right tone for irritated joking and for that moment - she sounds like herself. But the rest of her body language gives away her frustration; her tension flickers on and off like a light switch. She stills, forcing her usual stance and stiffening up when she thinks he isn’t looking. But even at their worst, he’s still him and she’s pretty sure she still herself so Mariko can’t help the way the truth tumbles out of her mouth.
“I could be ready to knock you out; but you’re the only person I...”
And classic Mariko, it’s too much.
That final word could be one of a million, there is so much between them. But only a few very specific words that define it precisely. He'll mentally put something positive in there.
Togusa again gestures to the chairs, and he moves to sit down, himself. Sometimes these have hit Mariko hard, as hard as they do Tatsuo, at times. While sometimes the Other memories can bleed into Togusa's mind so easily it takes him time to know that they are not truly his own.
He reaches for one of a hundred scraps of paper that are sitting on his desk. "It's a case that the two of them, and their whole team, were on. His name is The Laughing Man." And he draws over the paper, the sketch that he has done, so clearly, of the symbol, with the quote around it.
"The very first item I got from Retrospec was a copy of Catcher in the Rye, and it had that quote highlighted, re-written in English. Along with a few others, but that was clearly the thing most important to the other Togusa. The book falls open right to that page." Mariko might be able to make out the blue book sitting on his desk.
"He was obsessing over it." He pauses on that sentence, and finishes it with a meaningful look, instead. It's far too obvious. Which means the same behavior has bled into Togusa's own tendency to obsess, to dig and dig when he finds something. Because as afraid of this other world as he is, he wants to know the full truth behind it.
"I couldn't understand why this was so high on his radar until this started." He waves a hand in front of his face. "Seeing that logo instead of people's faces. It's something so simple, that he just doesn't know the identity of this man."
Togusa again gestures to the chairs, and he moves to sit down, himself. Sometimes these have hit Mariko hard, as hard as they do Tatsuo, at times. While sometimes the Other memories can bleed into Togusa's mind so easily it takes him time to know that they are not truly his own.
He reaches for one of a hundred scraps of paper that are sitting on his desk. "It's a case that the two of them, and their whole team, were on. His name is The Laughing Man." And he draws over the paper, the sketch that he has done, so clearly, of the symbol, with the quote around it.
"The very first item I got from Retrospec was a copy of Catcher in the Rye, and it had that quote highlighted, re-written in English. Along with a few others, but that was clearly the thing most important to the other Togusa. The book falls open right to that page." Mariko might be able to make out the blue book sitting on his desk.
"He was obsessing over it." He pauses on that sentence, and finishes it with a meaningful look, instead. It's far too obvious. Which means the same behavior has bled into Togusa's own tendency to obsess, to dig and dig when he finds something. Because as afraid of this other world as he is, he wants to know the full truth behind it.
"I couldn't understand why this was so high on his radar until this started." He waves a hand in front of his face. "Seeing that logo instead of people's faces. It's something so simple, that he just doesn't know the identity of this man."
She takes the offered seat, scowling at the nest of papers before turning her attention back to Togusa. As he reaches for one of the scraps, Mari has to fight to keep still. This is terrifying - something big enough to swallow them whole. He explains and she merely listens, because this is how it always goes. Togusa explains and Mariko moves - even if she's been feeling ineffectual.
Hitori says his Other is obsessing over this case and Mariko fixes him with a look 'So are you' echoing in her mind. For a moment, dread fills her but no...she's pretty sure he can hear that retort without her saying a word.
She should confess, that she's spoken to The Laughing Man - or at least, The Major did. However, she simply looks at the logo and thinks on it. Between the two of them, they likely could put together the whole case but she's almost allergic to Togusa's method to analysis much less having a simple conversation. Even with Tatsuo, on her best day - Mariko knows she would sooner bite her own tongue off than be so forthcoming. She hates it, down to the pit of her stomach.
"So what's your question?"
Hitori says his Other is obsessing over this case and Mariko fixes him with a look 'So are you' echoing in her mind. For a moment, dread fills her but no...she's pretty sure he can hear that retort without her saying a word.
She should confess, that she's spoken to The Laughing Man - or at least, The Major did. However, she simply looks at the logo and thinks on it. Between the two of them, they likely could put together the whole case but she's almost allergic to Togusa's method to analysis much less having a simple conversation. Even with Tatsuo, on her best day - Mariko knows she would sooner bite her own tongue off than be so forthcoming. She hates it, down to the pit of her stomach.
"So what's your question?"
The retort doesn't need to be said out loud when it echoes in Togusa's own mind. Why else would he dare to have this conversation? Why has he spoken to quite a few people who aren't Mariko about this?
"Do you remember anything about the case? Does this mean anything to you, or was this all his problem?"
He reaches for the bottle and glasses, pours one for the both of them, because all of a sudden, he feels the need for it. Notes of apple and something floral. "I know there's no bad guy to go chase. Not in this world. Even if we learn it all, it might lead us to disappointment. But it won't go away. I need some kind of answer if I'm going to sleep at night." Lies and slander, Togusa would find something else to chase if it wasn't this.
"Do you remember anything about the case? Does this mean anything to you, or was this all his problem?"
He reaches for the bottle and glasses, pours one for the both of them, because all of a sudden, he feels the need for it. Notes of apple and something floral. "I know there's no bad guy to go chase. Not in this world. Even if we learn it all, it might lead us to disappointment. But it won't go away. I need some kind of answer if I'm going to sleep at night." Lies and slander, Togusa would find something else to chase if it wasn't this.
"Aside from the Other Togusa being shot?"
Anyone who didn't know the two of them would think the question was clarification, but Togusa knows better.
The answer is more affirmative than she would like it to be and after the last handful of arguments, he knows that the guilt just compounded. Mariko is good at the theoretical and broad strokes. The world is the way it is; it sucks, it's beautiful. That other world is what it is. However every memory forces her to look to lifetimes of memory with clarity.
It feels like drowning.
She slides her eyes from the logo to his face while he's pouring the liquor, happy to avoid anything expectant in his expression. He can tell that she hasn't looked back him yet, unable to keep the shake out of her fingers as she reaches for the glass.
He says he needs an answer - for any of it- and the half-truth turns to ash in her mouth.
No, she takes the drink and stares at the floor between them. This space between the chairs might as well be a canyon. Maybe the sake will make the truth easier.
Anyone who didn't know the two of them would think the question was clarification, but Togusa knows better.
The answer is more affirmative than she would like it to be and after the last handful of arguments, he knows that the guilt just compounded. Mariko is good at the theoretical and broad strokes. The world is the way it is; it sucks, it's beautiful. That other world is what it is. However every memory forces her to look to lifetimes of memory with clarity.
It feels like drowning.
She slides her eyes from the logo to his face while he's pouring the liquor, happy to avoid anything expectant in his expression. He can tell that she hasn't looked back him yet, unable to keep the shake out of her fingers as she reaches for the glass.
He says he needs an answer - for any of it- and the half-truth turns to ash in her mouth.
No, she takes the drink and stares at the floor between them. This space between the chairs might as well be a canyon. Maybe the sake will make the truth easier.
Togusa doesn't need to affirm it, but he feels his head nod. "..Yeah." One hand runs over his face, the familiar nervous or exasperated motion.
Even when he analyzes it, those are the two threads he can't figure out how to knot together. There's this kidnapper, going after the head of a micromachine company, Yamaguchi, and Yamaguchi's death in a subsequent coverup. And then there's the other Togusa investigating something with this organization, and getting shot for his efforts. The only things linking the two are the tech that is swirling around in Togusa's head, and somebody being willing to kill police officers to keep it all hidden.
It doesn't make sense.
But Mariko's expression is inscrutable, even as Togusa has to watch it from the side of his gaze. She doesn't want to talk about something. But it could be literally anything that is the trigger point.
"If you really, truly, don't want to go down this road. I'll drop it." Around her. Tatsuo, Shuji, James, and a few others get to continue to be swarmed with this idea. "But if you want to talk this out, I want to hear what you have to say."
Even when he analyzes it, those are the two threads he can't figure out how to knot together. There's this kidnapper, going after the head of a micromachine company, Yamaguchi, and Yamaguchi's death in a subsequent coverup. And then there's the other Togusa investigating something with this organization, and getting shot for his efforts. The only things linking the two are the tech that is swirling around in Togusa's head, and somebody being willing to kill police officers to keep it all hidden.
It doesn't make sense.
But Mariko's expression is inscrutable, even as Togusa has to watch it from the side of his gaze. She doesn't want to talk about something. But it could be literally anything that is the trigger point.
"If you really, truly, don't want to go down this road. I'll drop it." Around her. Tatsuo, Shuji, James, and a few others get to continue to be swarmed with this idea. "But if you want to talk this out, I want to hear what you have to say."
Anger and frustration she can take. When he scrubs his hand over his face, she braces for the earful and it doesn't come. Instead he moves to comfort her and even as she feels the alcohol burn as it slides, she can't help but bristle at how carefully he's handling her.
For the umpteenth time, he's pulling teeth. He should be furious.
"I think I spoke with him," Her tone is uncharacteristically quiet, before she breathes and shakes her head. "I mean the Major did."
She recalled the conversation, quotations back and forth talking a dumb kid that happened to do something that nearly ruined her and Togusa both.
"Reminded me of Barnes a little. Real caught up in the way things should have been and did something stupid because of it."
With that her brows furrowed. Cyberbrain Sclerosis, the Stand Alone Complex, The Laughing Man - it was like she skipped to the end of the book and didn't know the questions that The Laughing Man was answering. And Togusa was barely hanging on with the pieces he'd gathered.
"You mentioned the Stand Alone Complex before. What does that have to do with this?"
For the umpteenth time, he's pulling teeth. He should be furious.
"I think I spoke with him," Her tone is uncharacteristically quiet, before she breathes and shakes her head. "I mean the Major did."
She recalled the conversation, quotations back and forth talking a dumb kid that happened to do something that nearly ruined her and Togusa both.
"Reminded me of Barnes a little. Real caught up in the way things should have been and did something stupid because of it."
With that her brows furrowed. Cyberbrain Sclerosis, the Stand Alone Complex, The Laughing Man - it was like she skipped to the end of the book and didn't know the questions that The Laughing Man was answering. And Togusa was barely hanging on with the pieces he'd gathered.
"You mentioned the Stand Alone Complex before. What does that have to do with this?"
That gets more of the reaction that Mariko is expecting, as Togusa's eyebrows raise and his whole body stiffens in the physical embodiment of the words 'excuse me?' But he listens. He keeps his gaze on her, eyes sliding up and down to take her in as if seeing her in a new light, before his hand can't fucking help it and goes back to the book.
"Somehow? That's not a surprise. I keep picturing somebody like Malik, if Holden Caufield is a role model to him."
A long, slow, drink, maybe he needs to make his physical state match the way his mental state just got slightly unbalanced there. And then she hits him with the next one.
"Wha?" The glass gets put down with a thunk, and Togusa's face has shifted to total confusion for a second. "Ah- it's a, philosophical thing. The intersection of the net and the idea of identity."
Something that he has been rolling over and over in his head, but in regards to what Retrospec is doing to them, not in regards to the memories, themselves. "The basic concept is that something can exist that can't be truly observed or quantified. Whether some intrinsic part of the self, or just a piece of identity. Some piece left over that makes someone you that isn't there if you just add up all the data about a person that you can pick up from an outside perspective. It still stands alone, even if you can't prove it."
"It's the thing that makes me worry Retrospec's whole plan is doomed to failure."
"Somehow? That's not a surprise. I keep picturing somebody like Malik, if Holden Caufield is a role model to him."
A long, slow, drink, maybe he needs to make his physical state match the way his mental state just got slightly unbalanced there. And then she hits him with the next one.
"Wha?" The glass gets put down with a thunk, and Togusa's face has shifted to total confusion for a second. "Ah- it's a, philosophical thing. The intersection of the net and the idea of identity."
Something that he has been rolling over and over in his head, but in regards to what Retrospec is doing to them, not in regards to the memories, themselves. "The basic concept is that something can exist that can't be truly observed or quantified. Whether some intrinsic part of the self, or just a piece of identity. Some piece left over that makes someone you that isn't there if you just add up all the data about a person that you can pick up from an outside perspective. It still stands alone, even if you can't prove it."
"It's the thing that makes me worry Retrospec's whole plan is doomed to failure."
"If he was American, maybe. No, he's more like you."
Saying it that way allows her to omit that she thinks the Laughing Man was a fair bit worse than Barnes or even Malik. Togusa confesses his worry and all Mariko can do is arch an eyebrow.
"Really? It looked like it was working until recently."
They've always differed in opinion in regards to Retrospec's method; frustratingly so.
"That piece might be what Retrospec is betting on."
She straightens up, trying to organize her thoughts. It's mostly been an assumption of that other world that she feels through intuition and suitable dialogue.
"A heart beats in rhythm, as long as it functions - right? Even a heart cell will beat to it's own drum. But when you put two compatible heart cells together, they change rhythm to beat in unison."
Mariko. Hitori. Major. Togusa. They're all different, but not where it matters. The memories are different, what the world is like is different - but they aren't.
She knows it. She knows it the way she knows that she is never going to feel for anyone the way she feels about Togusa. She knows it the way that she knows that she is never going to stop missing her mother.
"All the information will never give us the viewpoint, so it's meaningless to try and find that answer in the data. 'I am the machine that shows you the world as I alone see it.'"
She shoots him a wry smile. "Something like that?"
Saying it that way allows her to omit that she thinks the Laughing Man was a fair bit worse than Barnes or even Malik. Togusa confesses his worry and all Mariko can do is arch an eyebrow.
"Really? It looked like it was working until recently."
They've always differed in opinion in regards to Retrospec's method; frustratingly so.
"That piece might be what Retrospec is betting on."
She straightens up, trying to organize her thoughts. It's mostly been an assumption of that other world that she feels through intuition and suitable dialogue.
"A heart beats in rhythm, as long as it functions - right? Even a heart cell will beat to it's own drum. But when you put two compatible heart cells together, they change rhythm to beat in unison."
Mariko. Hitori. Major. Togusa. They're all different, but not where it matters. The memories are different, what the world is like is different - but they aren't.
She knows it. She knows it the way she knows that she is never going to feel for anyone the way she feels about Togusa. She knows it the way that she knows that she is never going to stop missing her mother.
"All the information will never give us the viewpoint, so it's meaningless to try and find that answer in the data. 'I am the machine that shows you the world as I alone see it.'"
She shoots him a wry smile. "Something like that?"
Like him? Ugh, fucking really? The look on Togusa's face briefly sours, and he has to cover it up with another drink. He's tried very hard not to think about why he gets so drawn to James and even Malik, what it says about him that he can empathize so much with- something he can't put words to.
He can't put his finger on it, but Mariko's words strike some kind of a chord somewhere deep in him. He nods, slowly, so slowly. "Something like that. Even when a person is connected, even the way we are connected, there is something held back."
"And can Retrospec truly quantify a person, the way that they are trying to? What is that last piece, the one they can't just put into data?" He puts a hand on his own chest. "Is that the piece that links us to them?"
The ghost. The soul. And if the ghost is the same, then are they.. the same? What happens to Togusa when the Other Togusa is complete, then? They are coming up to the precipice of that question, they can all feel it. A final showdown with Vanderweele also means a final showdown with Retrospec. A final decision on what is to be done with them.
"Can the old and the new just- beat in rhythm, then? Or does one have to eventually take over the other?"
He can't put his finger on it, but Mariko's words strike some kind of a chord somewhere deep in him. He nods, slowly, so slowly. "Something like that. Even when a person is connected, even the way we are connected, there is something held back."
"And can Retrospec truly quantify a person, the way that they are trying to? What is that last piece, the one they can't just put into data?" He puts a hand on his own chest. "Is that the piece that links us to them?"
The ghost. The soul. And if the ghost is the same, then are they.. the same? What happens to Togusa when the Other Togusa is complete, then? They are coming up to the precipice of that question, they can all feel it. A final showdown with Vanderweele also means a final showdown with Retrospec. A final decision on what is to be done with them.
"Can the old and the new just- beat in rhythm, then? Or does one have to eventually take over the other?"
Mariko has the good grace not to laugh at his sour face, though she takes her own drink to make sure. Philosophy is easier for things like this and mulling answers over as he keeps posing questions.
"I don't think they're trying to quantify us. I think they're trying to synchronize the beat. It would explain why we only get the memories in pieces. The other option is just dumping it on us and that has good odds of literally killing us."
The idea of that much information at once is terrifying and she doesn't speak for a long moment. The kid, the one they thought was the Laughing Man. He mentioned cyberization and cyber-brain sclerosis. Intimately; he was the poster boy for the first, he claimed and the second...seemed to be a diagnosis.
"...That kid. He mentioned being cyberized. Talked to me about noticing that I hadn't swapped out for a new prosthetic."
At that she turned her left hand, palm up and very slowly opened her fingers. Normal. But not forever. If she squints she can almost see the seam in her forearm.
"Neither of us seem phased, but the Other Togusa... He always seemed a little sensitive about being all natural."
"I don't think they're trying to quantify us. I think they're trying to synchronize the beat. It would explain why we only get the memories in pieces. The other option is just dumping it on us and that has good odds of literally killing us."
The idea of that much information at once is terrifying and she doesn't speak for a long moment. The kid, the one they thought was the Laughing Man. He mentioned cyberization and cyber-brain sclerosis. Intimately; he was the poster boy for the first, he claimed and the second...seemed to be a diagnosis.
"...That kid. He mentioned being cyberized. Talked to me about noticing that I hadn't swapped out for a new prosthetic."
At that she turned her left hand, palm up and very slowly opened her fingers. Normal. But not forever. If she squints she can almost see the seam in her forearm.
"Neither of us seem phased, but the Other Togusa... He always seemed a little sensitive about being all natural."
Synchronization. He gets the idea, but there is still no getting around his main fear. No answer for it. He knows Mariko is doing the best that she can with what she has, and he nods again in agreement.
"What scares me is I know we aren't Retrospec's first round of this. Did they try that to people before? Another thing we might never know the answer to."
Kid. The kid. That really was him, wasn't it? Togusa got the image of that kid in a wheelchair but can't remember his face. And that was when all this started.
He watches Mariko fiddling with her hand, playing with it as if it's a toy. The movement is deliberate. Too much so.
"She's full, isn't she? Her whole body is- prosthetic? It's such a weird way of thinking about it. You imagine that term for an arm, like James. Not a whole body."
"But the other Togusa is natural. You already confirmed it." With a tip of his glass up towards her. He doesn't need to go back over the fear that had been so looming in his mind that she was able to put to rest. "I don't think I'm in for any more changes. But you.."
She knows what's coming.
"What scares me is I know we aren't Retrospec's first round of this. Did they try that to people before? Another thing we might never know the answer to."
Kid. The kid. That really was him, wasn't it? Togusa got the image of that kid in a wheelchair but can't remember his face. And that was when all this started.
He watches Mariko fiddling with her hand, playing with it as if it's a toy. The movement is deliberate. Too much so.
"She's full, isn't she? Her whole body is- prosthetic? It's such a weird way of thinking about it. You imagine that term for an arm, like James. Not a whole body."
"But the other Togusa is natural. You already confirmed it." With a tip of his glass up towards her. He doesn't need to go back over the fear that had been so looming in his mind that she was able to put to rest. "I don't think I'm in for any more changes. But you.."
She knows what's coming.
Mariko half nods at Hitori's statement, unable to muster a response. Her tongue feels heavy with a sudden wave of grief and she stares at her hand.
He asks if the Major is full-prosthetic and she grinds her teeth so hard, she's sure the flex of her jaw is visible. He keeps talking and he sounds so far away as he mentions his Other and how absolutely fucking insane the idea of a full body prosthetic is.
Flesh and blood. She knows she's flesh and blood, but for all the world, she feels herself willing her fingers to move. A replacement body, because she'd mangled the old one.
"I know. Too late for me, I guess."
Her voice is too even as she stares her hand, like she's not quite sure if it's connected. Her thumb, middle and pinky start to curl. They move like her hand is slowly cramping but her index and ring just shake, like they didn't get the signal.
"Cyber-brain sclerosis...he mentioned it. What is it?"
He asks if the Major is full-prosthetic and she grinds her teeth so hard, she's sure the flex of her jaw is visible. He keeps talking and he sounds so far away as he mentions his Other and how absolutely fucking insane the idea of a full body prosthetic is.
Flesh and blood. She knows she's flesh and blood, but for all the world, she feels herself willing her fingers to move. A replacement body, because she'd mangled the old one.
"I know. Too late for me, I guess."
Her voice is too even as she stares her hand, like she's not quite sure if it's connected. Her thumb, middle and pinky start to curl. They move like her hand is slowly cramping but her index and ring just shake, like they didn't get the signal.
"Cyber-brain sclerosis...he mentioned it. What is it?"
Too late. Togusa could let the ground open up and swallow him whole right now, he feels like such an idiot. He knows she is afraid of it. The images from her nightmares where she was more machine than person, the constant visions of being interconnected in a horrific way. And he just jumped right into the topic.
He bites the hell down on the 'I'm sorry.' "Maybe a non-issue, if we get to Vanderweele fast enough."
Her hand continues to move, and it is such a different tic that it comes off wrongly to Togusa. It's not Mariko, so he has to wonder if it's her. It is somehow disturbing, but he makes himself continue to watch as if it's some kind of sequence she has to finish.
Blink. "Why did he mention it? Ah. It's a progressive condition. Sometimes, when someone gets injected with the micromachines that make up a cyber-brain, their immune system doesn't take to it, it attacks everything instead. It leads to a progressive hardening of the grey matter of the brain, somewhat similar to the plaques of Alzheimer's."
Pause, and his hand goes right the hell back to his chest. "Togusa was investigating a charity, a group dedicated to helping people with the disease." So it did have to do with the Laughing Man. But how?
He bites the hell down on the 'I'm sorry.' "Maybe a non-issue, if we get to Vanderweele fast enough."
Her hand continues to move, and it is such a different tic that it comes off wrongly to Togusa. It's not Mariko, so he has to wonder if it's her. It is somehow disturbing, but he makes himself continue to watch as if it's some kind of sequence she has to finish.
Blink. "Why did he mention it? Ah. It's a progressive condition. Sometimes, when someone gets injected with the micromachines that make up a cyber-brain, their immune system doesn't take to it, it attacks everything instead. It leads to a progressive hardening of the grey matter of the brain, somewhat similar to the plaques of Alzheimer's."
Pause, and his hand goes right the hell back to his chest. "Togusa was investigating a charity, a group dedicated to helping people with the disease." So it did have to do with the Laughing Man. But how?
She doesn't look at him, though the corner of her mouth raises just slightly. They've known each other too long for her to miss the apology in those words. After all, she always did prefer action.
"He was trying to get to the bottom of a mystery he found. Said he stumbled upon a piece of mail on the net. Something involving a place called Serrano Genomics, about a vaccine for it. A blackmail document and then..."
She tries to make a motion, like circling a drain but her finger doesn't quite complete the curve. Instead she just furrows her brow.
"Down the rabbit hole he went, just like Alice."
Just like you, she keeps to herself.
"He was trying to get to the bottom of a mystery he found. Said he stumbled upon a piece of mail on the net. Something involving a place called Serrano Genomics, about a vaccine for it. A blackmail document and then..."
She tries to make a motion, like circling a drain but her finger doesn't quite complete the curve. Instead she just furrows her brow.
"Down the rabbit hole he went, just like Alice."
Just like you, she keeps to herself.
In response, Togusa doesn't even wait for her to finish. His eyes go impossibly wide, and then his face falls as if his whole body wants to mutter 'son of a bitch.' He stands, moves behind his desk, and pulls out a blue binder.
It's different than any of his own files. And the text across the front reads 'Ministry of Health, Labor, and Welfare' in Japanese script.
Togusa has the world's biggest frown when he drops the binder onto the desk.
"This blackmail document?"
It's different than any of his own files. And the text across the front reads 'Ministry of Health, Labor, and Welfare' in Japanese script.
Togusa has the world's biggest frown when he drops the binder onto the desk.
"This blackmail document?"
The smack of the paper onto the desk jars her from the train of thought she was on. Her expression catches - partly infuriated and partly just simple gawking.
"Why the fuck do you have that?"
It's a question, mostly, but she can't stop the way she feels her blood set on fire.
What makes him so special? Why does Retrospec favor him? The world their Others come from just fucking unfurls for him, but everything she's ever understood about it just brings pain.
She tries to reach up to trace the back of her neck and only manages to cover it with her fingers. Maybe this was what it was like once she got her new body. No, not her's the Major and it's not. This isn't--
"Oh fucking Christ."
"Why the fuck do you have that?"
It's a question, mostly, but she can't stop the way she feels her blood set on fire.
What makes him so special? Why does Retrospec favor him? The world their Others come from just fucking unfurls for him, but everything she's ever understood about it just brings pain.
She tries to reach up to trace the back of her neck and only manages to cover it with her fingers. Maybe this was what it was like once she got her new body. No, not her's the Major and it's not. This isn't--
"Oh fucking Christ."
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