standalonehuman | Recolle IC Inbox

Togusa lets a hand linger on her shoulder, just one touch to let her know he's still here. "A real question, would it be easier to talk to someone who doesn't already know you, though? For some people it helps, to not have some kind of expectation sitting in front of them. If you think it would be better to talk with other people going through the same thing?"

"I don't know." She admits immediately. She doesn't know. She doesn't even know how to begin to know. "But... Like this... Right now, is helping, so..."

"You don't have to figure it all out right now," Togusa assures her. "And I'll stick around as long as you need. So if this is what helps, then all right. I'll be here." He'll be glad to take this at her pace, so long as she is talking to someone. He wouldn't call himself the best at this, just in the right place at the right time.

She nods, curling up on herself a little tighter.

"... I want to make it up to them." She admits weakly. "I want to make it right... I don't know how to make it right if it's not my fault..."

"Sometimes people can get hurt and it's not anyone's fault, but we still want to help. You should treat this like that. You didn't mean it, but they did get hurt. But if you make the effort, they'll appreciate it." But Togusa will stay, for what she needs right now. He won't let her run away from this like she wanted.

"But it's not... no one's fault..." She hunches her shoulders. "I hate this... I hate my visions. I hate that everyone thinks these visions are memories... I hate that everyone wants me to accept that that person is supposed to be me..."

The tears are flowing now, weakly and silently, the shaking of her shoulders the only real cue.

Togusa frowns, and he grips Cleo's shoulder tightly. It's desperation, something to try to get through to her. "You do not have to just accept this. These memories are not the woman you are supposed to be. Retrospec is terrible for doing this to you and all of us. And they're the ones that want these other people. And you do not have to become her. Okay?"

Honestly, that does get through to her. She shivers a bit more trying to get herself under control.

"I... I don't want to become her." She shudders. "Can I really avoid it?"

Togusa's grip eases, but his tone stays soft and quiet. "You will still be you. No matter what. You can get all of her memories, every experience she's had in her life, and you don't need to change who you are. It's like reading a really involved story. If you've got more to ground you in this life? It will help."

She nods, weakly. "How do I ground myself here?"

"Stay with your friends, keep doing your job, which you're not allowed to quit, by the way." He nods at the weight training equipment. "Train, get better. Ride your motorcycle. All of the things that Cleo likes to do. You can still do it all. And punch anyone who gives you a hard time about the ears and tail in the face."

Finally, out of everything... After all the crying, the heart-wrenching, the soul-searching, everything, it's that that gets a small, hushed laugh out of her. It's quiet, half a sigh, but it's still a short laugh.

"Should I take that as official permission, sir?" It's a bit forced, but she's trying to make at least some kind of joke.

Togusa laughs along, just as quietly. "If you need it, consider it granted. But I'd rather you just consider it the advice of a friend." Togusa smiles gently down at her. Sometimes it's the smaller things that make the biggest differences in the midst of such soul-searching.

She finally, finally manages to look up at him. Her eyes are a bit puffy, and... well, she looks like she's just been through the wringer. But she manages a small, small smile.

"Thank you... For everything."

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