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[standalonehuman]

Togusa

This is Togusa. Feel free to message me at any time.

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

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[standalonehuman]

This position is too familiar. Togusa automatically leaves his shoes at the door and pads over to the chair to sink down into it. He looks at her carefully in some silence for a while.

"I'm here because I'm worried about you. I just need to know what happened. The short answer is that I'm not accepting your resignation." He shakes his head. "But I'm not here as a cop, I'm here as your friend."

[cattack]

"Exactly what I said, sir." Her voice is weak, dull. There's no life to her voice, like she's totally broken. The lights are off, but even so, she's not looking at anything, just staring at her own knees.

"I hurt Tatsuo. I severely injured Dante. I tried to kill them both. Had Dante not intervened, I would have killed Tatsuo."

[standalonehuman]

Shock, and Togusa looks at Cleo cautiously, but he has to persist. "Were you really trying? Why? Tatsuo is-" Tatsuo is complicated. "I know he means more to you than anyone."

His brow relaxes, a kindness returns to his eyes. "It's Sunday, this had to be at training. Was it an accident?"

[cattack]

"I..." She takes a deep breath, and lowers her head, resting her forehead against her knees.

"I got a vision." She speaks a bit louder, but her voice is muffled by her position. "She was... fighting. Fighting something beyond comprehension. And she was killed. Killed, over and over."

She takes another breath, but this one's shakier. "After that, I remembered... Receiving the other vision. Where she died. But... In that vision, she killed someone before she died. And then... It was like I was fighting that man again. And then, the god. And the monsters from August. I didn't know what was going on. But somehow, I... thought they were enemies..."

Her voice quiets again, as she tries to hold her voice steady. "So I attacked."

[standalonehuman]

Togusa's breath catches in his throat. He can only listen for a minute, and there is a whole body flinch at the word 'killed.' No. Not again, not another person. Why? He shakes his head, and he stands up to move to the couch to sit next to her instead. He very gently puts his hand on her arm. He fully expects her to pull away, but she needs someone with her now. "Cleo."

"Cleo, my god. You didn't mean it. You couldn't have meant it, you didn't know where you were." The damn visions. Retrospec, again. Of course this is all their fault. Focus. Cleo's the one who needs you now.

"You're all right now." Maybe the best he can give is just comfort.

[cattack]

Cleo flinches away from the touch, as he expected. The comfort is, in a way, painful. She wants comfort- She wants to be forgiven. But she doesn't, at the same time. She doesn't believe she deserves it. And her sense of justice won't allow her to be forgiven for doing such great harm.

"Only the first part was a vision." She explains, as if confessing her crimes. "The rest was... I don't know. It was like I was back in August, I... thought I was surrounded by enemies. I don't know what it was, but it wasn't a vision." Cleo is the type who is too invested in physical health, and doesn't understand the mental.

"But whatever the reason, I hurt people. I have caused great harm. And I can't trust myself to not have that happen again..." Her voice wavers. "All I've done since August began is kill."

[megatechbody]

Something something, both sides working together. He probably blames me for losing you anyway.

[standalonehuman]

I've always considered you simply the last nail in the coffin, not the major force. I wasn't sticking around in that field.

Just. Too much ambiguity.

[prometheanflame]

Officer Togusa,

Correct, I was with the subway team. We were mostly kept to side rooms and briefly rode on the rails, so I don't think I'd be of much help with the public train lines.

I will mark where we found the test rooms, but my primary objective is to find the locations above ground that correspond to the stops. I'm certain that each stop would have had to been important for Retrospec.

Mohammed Hefaz

[standalonehuman]

[Oh, Togusa is delighted, his whole face lights up on his end.]

Yes, I can! I run into some people who came here too young, and they don't know a word of the language, so it's always nice to talk to people!

So where is 'home' for you, then?

[Okay, not exactly the question he asked earlier, but this answer might be more interesting.]

[vitis]

wasn't taught a word of this language in my life, either. retrospec just up and "gave" it to me recently.
it's pretty weird to explain

the grand state of oklahoma
:)

[ how's that for RIVETING. ]

[standalonehuman]

Well! That's new. A whole language?

[Since he hasn't talked to James about his new languages yet...]

Oh, that's nice! I knew plenty of people from the countryside back home. What brought you here, then?

[vitis]

seems like it!
maybe, i dunno. sometimes stumble across a few kanji i don't get, so maybe not that fluent

[ somehow, sharing with officer togusa that he has a few arrests and a narrow acquittal on his record doesn't seem like the most solid of endeavors, so he'll go for a partial truth— ]

money
this place is pretty accommodating in that respect

[standalonehuman]

It lends some credibility to the 'other worlds' theory. Even though I'm personally opposed to that theory, I'll admit when something supports it.

But. Don't you mean three? It's you and Fynn and Prompto and Noctis, right?

[standalonehuman]

If we get a phone call, I'll pretend to take it. I did technically check to see that nothing is wrong.

Not burned, but I repeat, are you all right? For me, it was weird enough to only have an ability for a month. But the first few times it popped up it was a shock.

[standalonehuman]

[You know, why don't we have a helicopter?]

I would say they could borrow one from Fort McCoy, but I've never seen one there, either.

[standalonehuman]

You know I can't actually tell what you 'on eggshells' looks like? If you think you're being awkward, I assure you the rest of us don't notice a thing.

Re: 9/11 - misfire

[standalonehuman]

[Fuck. How does Togusa even begin to approach this? He runs a hand through his hair in frustration and tries to text back.]

Damn. Why was everybody from those other- other worlds, unreality, whatever, completely nuts?

You did it, though, you both got out of there okay. Sometimes you just have to keep reminding yourself of the real end result, only way to shake away the ghosts.

[standalonehuman]

Togusa won't object audibly to that. Can't punish you for killing a man who never existed in this world. If that's even what's going on? The blood isn't on Yoon-sung's hands.

"He was afraid of you?" Togusa prompts. "Running away, but you were going after him anyway?" Damn. This is worse than anything Togusa could have predicted someone would see from Retrospec. What if Retrospec tries to convince one of them they're a killer? Not in some self-defense scenario, but actual killer? His breath is held while he waits for Yoon-sung to explain more.

[standalonehuman]

Togusa insistently follows Cleo, keeping contact anyway. He's not leaving her alone. Period. This isn't something he can just take away from her, but he'll do what he can to alleviate the burden.

"That's not even true." Firmer. "You told me all about what you and your group did at the bunker. And you helped save the city, we all did our parts, you included. You're not a killer. You want to count those monsters," Togusa shakes his head a little. "You shouldn't. None of us had a choice against those things."

"You've been through a lot. The last thing you should do is pull away from people. If you can't trust yourself, trust us, instead. That's why no officer is ever abandoned to act just on their own."

[cattack]

"Some of the monsters looked human." She protests weakly. "And in my visions, she killed someone before she was killed. And then she fought a god, to kill him as well. She died so many times..."

Her voice catches. "And because of that, I hurt people. I broke Dante's bones. I hurt Tatsuo's shoulder. I can't- I can't trust myself... I don't want to hurt anyone." She's trying to hold them back, but tears are threatening at her eyes.

[standalonehuman]

"Your friends know you didn't want to hurt them. Right now, they're probably very worried about you, because they don't know what's going on. More worried for you than they are for themselves. I know Tatsuo and Dante well." Only reason they aren't beating on her door, too, is that they're probably being stubborn idiots about getting treated for injuries. Only thing that trumps their concern.

Togusa's breath catches again, but he tries to turn and face her more fully, puts out his other hand for her shoulder. This is serious. "It didn't happen to you. You didn't die, you didn't kill anyone." He's going to keep on that point. "But you remember that it did, and it means it's still going to affect you. We can get you better help than what I can give. The Department has resources, and it's not a sign of weakness to take help." He shakes his head. "It's not."

[cattack]

"I shouldn't need help!" She finally bursts out, tears finally falling. She turns to face him, eyes wide and scared, ears flat against her head. "I shouldn't- I don't want to be a burden on anyone! I wanted to be strong, so I could protect people, so I could help others! I shouldn't- I shouldn't be the one who needs help instead..." She hunches her shoulders, trying to hide her tears, but it doesn't work.

[standalonehuman]

Togusa can feel his heart break for Cleo as he slowly starts to wrap an arm around her shoulders. She is denying herself everything, connection, affection, because she hasn't been able to trust in it before. So he is here, comforting, being what he knows she needs.

Togusa's voice is low and soft. "Cleo. I need help. I can't do just my job alone. Let alone everything that Retrospec is throwing at me. None of us can. Not the Detectives, not Officer Izunia or Sakakura. Not Tatsuo or Dante. You are strong. You are so strong to be able to hold yourself together for this long. But to get stronger, you can't do it on your own."

[cattack]

As his arm wraps around her, she tenses up, shoulders trembling slightly. In her life, she'd never had that kind of attachment. At the orphanage, she'd never had friends. When she'd been at school, she quickly learned that she never fit in anywhere- She was too wild, too awkward. She couldn't let injustice, no matter how small, slide, even if it came from someone who was her friend. She was always clumsy with her words, unable to convey her feelings or connect to others properly. If she had friends, they'd abandon her right away, as soon as she showed herself for who she is.

Which means that this hug from Togusa... may very well be the first time in her life she's been hugged like that. She doesn't know what to do, she's never felt anything like it. But the tears spill out, even as she tries to resist them.

"I... I don't know what to do now..." She finally confesses. She wants to make it up to them, but she doesn't know how. She wants to heal them, but she's not strong enough. She feels paralyzed, like her ideals are crushed, and she doesn't know how to move forward.