standalonehuman | Recolle IC Inbox

Togusa sets his own mug down. "Ichirou or Yukine? I was there to help Ichirou bust the perp. Pretty sure he would have just flat-out murdered the guy if I wasn't there." Not the best memory.

A pause. "And it's a damn good thing I did. Yukine? Alive again. As if nothing happened." The look on his face turns absolutely grave. "I shouldn't be upset. A man has his son back. It's nothing less than a miracle."

But he slowly shakes his head, not breaking eye contact with Mariko. "But this, more than anything else, scares the hell out of me."

"Ichirou." she confirms, gaze flicking up to meet his from the report.

She doesn't say anything to argue the speculation that the elder Matsuoka would have killed his son's murderer, her expression barely darkens. That kind of anger she knows and it was a stroke of luck that everyone walked away - but them he mentions Yukine being alive again and her entire expression darkens.

"Miracles have high prices," she says unable to suppress the shudder at the idea of Retrospec being able to tamper with life and death on top of memories.

"How are the two of them taking it?"

It would have been the ultimate irony if Togusa hadn't stopped Ichirou. If he had taken the man's life, only to get his son back in return. Togusa had tried to warn him that he always had more to lose. He would have been far too correct.

"I didn't get a chance to talk to Yukine before, it seems, he's been dropped off the Network. Retrospec's explanation that they," he waves a hand in the air, "fell out of sync."

"The soul they're trying to rebuild and the one they currently have aren't in alignment, so they had to let go, completely. At least, that was their explanation with Gentiana. But Gentiana never died, so," Togusa's hands raise in an exasperated shrug. "I don't know what it has to do with each other."

Then Togusa looks down, slightly regretful. "Ichirou's just happy to have his son back. I haven't had the heart to make the man question it. He was so- broken." Togusa grimaces tightly. Togusa's heart had gone out to the man so completely.

"That's probably going to be something we never find out unless we steal it."

Mariko shoots a 'why aren't you alcohol' look at her coffee before sighing and sipping it anyway. The tightness in Togusa's expression makes her pause. How much had she missed? Who else was going to make a face like that when they went to catch up?

"Hey." She waves her hand at the edge of his periphery to get his attention. "Just because Retrospec doesn't know how to stay out of shit that isn't their pay grade doesn't mean that we have to start following their lead."

Leaning on an elbow she looks at him, trying to gauge where his head is at.

"You're not responsible for their dirty work, even it is unsettling."

Edited 2018-06-04 17:08 (UTC)

Togusa's eyes lift again to look at Mariko fully. It takes him a few seconds to start nodding along, for her words to sink in. "It's okay now. And I know it. So a part of me wants to let that one lie, and find a different way to get our information." Ichirou has been through enough. Togusa can let that particular bit of guilt go. He did keep the man from making a mistake.

Togusa takes a long breath out, and that nervous tic of his to run a hand over the back of his neck returns. "When I asked about Gentiana, Maurice's answer was just what I said, that the soul fell out of alignment and so Retrospec had to let go of them. Which then gets weirder when you look at what Elliot Craig found." Togusa reaches over to leaf through one of the folders and finds the printout.

"The idea of the souls developing wrong and literally becoming corrupted. It's- unnerving. But it fits with what they've said before."

Togusa is practically bleeding grief and discomfort and it's enough to keep Mariko sipping her coffee as she listens. He rubs the back of his neck, sighing hard and she can feel her brows knit just a little more. This isn't right.

Still she nods a little, to indicate that she had been listening before straightening up.

"Well that means we have to reconcile Retrospec's bullshit behavior with the fact that the only lies they they've told us are ones of omission, at least from where I'm standing."

That actually gets Togusa to perk up. "You're right. From their perspective, they haven't lied to us at all. You talk to their newer guy, Zee? Oh, you're gonna love him." He stops his train of thought and points.

"Human Resources, officially. He's been in regular contact with us. Even has an office, over at the Towers. I am convinced that he's got some kind of ridiculous Retrospec-given power set that would put even Eleanor to shame, or they wouldn't be putting him out in the open and risking him. I have literally nothing to back that up with, though."

Right, focus. "He is absolutely walking the party line that we are these people Retrospec is trying to have us remember. Whatever. But he's actually what convinced me of the biggest theory I've got right now."

"The people running Retrospec? Now? Not only are they people who have been through the process before? But they're not on whatever that top layer is. That's why Retrospec doesn't know what it is. They're following the process? But even people like Zee and Maurice and even their Cavendish and Mahoney descendants? They don't know what the hell they're doing."

"Haven't had the pleasure yet, actually."

Immediately, she mentally puts a pin in Zee, Human Resouces Office at the Towers. And then Togusa conjectures a little more and Mariko looks down at the papers to try and master her expression. She'd remembered him giving some kind of briefing, all detail and conjecture and she'd thought it was some weird fluke or deja vu. But no.

She'd remembered him before anything else. And he was laying out this entire thing like a case, just the same as always. Why? Why?

He's off on another theory and the second he says that Retrospec maybe doesn't have the shape of things either, she breathes quietly, trying to get a hold of - God, is she panicking? She hasn't panicked in years. Not since the crash. It doesn't matter because she's fine, there just has to be a plan. Retrospec has to know something they don't - they have to have a plan, because if they don't...If they don't.

Mariko draws back from the whole setup with a noise. She can feel the inside of her lip bleeding from how hard she bit it to keep from ...crying? Screaming? The memories and everything she keeps hearing second-hand. Powers and super-strength and people finding out they weren't good people. Her Other being a fucking killer, she has to be to make a shot like that but Togusa is there - explaining cases like she's not a murderer.

She's not a murderer. She's never killed anyone.

"Jesus Christ," her voice is almost thin as she puts her face in her palms. Her voice is muffled as she presses her face into her palms, almost literally holding herself together.

"I rmbryu."

Togusa has let himself trail off when he notices that Mariko isn't entirely there. His brow tightens, and he is just about to put a hand to her shoulder, when he realizes what is happening, and takes a step back, instead. Damn it all. A memory.

"Mariko," saying her name low, quiet, trying to drag her back to where she is. "You're okay. You're here. It's just the two of us. This is going to stop soon." He's ridiculously practiced at this, having to sit while a friend is seeing the unthinkable too many times. He doesn't even need to know what it is-

And then she chokes those words out, and she might as well have dropped a bomb in the middle of the room. Togusa stops so abruptly that his mouth drops open. There is a cold rush of feeling down his spine, away from his face, skin paling a shade. There has to be another explanation. But he knows what those words have to mean.

"What?"

No, he damn well heard her, but he doesn't understand. And it's as if his brain won't start up again to process it.

"...Mariko?" All he can do is stand there, looking at her with more uncertainty than he ever has before.

He's trying to soothe her. He's trying to help and she bristles before she can catch it because of course he is. Her shoulders raise, quick and sharp because why aren't you any different?!. Then she takes three deep breaths because her shoulder feels like it's on fire and then she lowers her hands.

"I. Remember. You."

The words are clearer than they have any right to be, gazing at a spot in middle distance between them.Her eyes flick up to meet his, her gaze too tired and her expression dangerously close to looking like surrender.

"Before anything else, actually. Briefing me, same way you always do."

And another deep breath and she seems to straighten up, steeling herself for the next question.

Togusa’s shock doesn’t dissipate at all with those words, focusing in on before anything else. The implications are impossible to ignore. His back rows of teeth click together, a vain attempt at control. “The man Retrospec is making me see.” The words are firm, not inviting any argument on his belief about the separation between him and this other man. Not now. “You. Remember him.”

“And you didn’t tell me.”

There it is, there’s the hurt, but it’s so brief, buried again swiftly. Mariko is a woman that likes her secrets, but about this? “We’re supposed to be working together on this.”

There is an avalanche of questions. What is he like? Is he still human? How much more is he going to ‘convert’ to match up with that man’s physicality? What were they doing? Why do so many of his memories contradict each other?

Why Mariko?

That’s the one his mind finally stops on, and the slow look back and forth meets her eyes again. “But I dont remember you. Or anyone like you.” Not her. Someone else. “What was he doing? A- briefing? On what?”

They've known each other too long. Anyone else and this could slide, this could be recoverable but she knows him and she knows what she saw. For the first time, maybe since they've known each other, she glares at him. There is no edge of embarrassment or nervousness; it's just anger and offense.

"I could pick you out of a lineup with a hangover in a dark room." She growls, breaking eye contact to try and roll her shoulder because Jesus.

"I know what I saw." She nearly spits and they've known each other too long because she knows it sounds like I'm not crazy.

She almost doesn't react to his offense, she's used to disappointing men she's close to. However, in his next breath comes the accusation and that's what makes her look up at him like he just slapped her.

Mariko Kawaguchi isn't as strong as she plays at, but she's never wilted a day in her life. She didn't wilt the day her mother died, she didn't wilt the day she washed out of the academy - but anger comes easy and for this? For him?

"What the fuck was I supposed to tell you, Hitori?!"

It comes too easy, transgression over understanding because after ever everything...

She really must be losing her mind if they can't even believe in each other anymore.

"Explain to me how I was supposed to tell you I saw you in what felt like a fever dream, when my understanding of the world devoured itself so hard I couldn't even see the color blue any more."

She gestures wide and sweeping to encompass Recolle, Retrospect, the months - all of it.

"When would have been a good fucking time? Between you running around helping half an orphanage's worth of kids who all think they're losing their minds?"

Her hands go up and honest to God, she doesn't know if she's going to strangle him or squeeze her temples until her skull cracks because anger has always made her fast.

"It damn sure wouldn't have been proper to say it while you were drinking your way through the fact that the first girl you went nuts for since college got a fucking memory lobotomy."

Anger made her fast and she was never very wise in the first place.

It's a feeback loop; a bad one. The two of them are far, far more similar than either one of them would ever admit out loud. But it's a fact that they both know, deep down. So when Mariko's anger flares, the fire might as well leap through the gap between them and ignite Togusa's temper right back. They both know exactly what to say to strike at the other one deep. That look she gives him almost turns the tide, but even a sideways mention of Gentiana is too much.

"Bullshit. You know I make time for you. I was still right there when you suddenly didn't remember how you got a broken ankle. But you'd rather leave me in the dark when-" his own hands raise limply, shrug, and flop back down to his sides. "When I've been doing this for a damn year and a half. And not a sign that anybody else had a clue."

"Robots and tech I don't understand," oh, it is all coming out now. A hand goes to the side of his own head. "Retrospec put machines in my brain, Mariko. I have been trying to keep my grip and get used to it, but I don't know when this is going to stop." The sharp fear that has crept in, never leaving Togusa fully. That more and more changes are just going to keep coming to him. "How much of myself am I even going to recognize at the end of this?"

His hand falls again. "What did you see? Who is this guy?"

Mariko groans, too angry to be dismissive. He's too busy looking for The Answer to listen to the one she has and not being good enough by implication is enough to set her off again.

"You're not listening! I can't separate him from you because the guy I saw isn't any different. Head to toe, even the way 'he' talked."

She stretches 'he' unkindly, finger quotations and all. As his fear begins, hers echoes because they really are more alike than not. What's worse is that he knows better than to expect understanding this kind of a situation.

"What makes you think you'll get to recognize yourself after this? You being able to remember everything they did to you will be a fucking luxury by the time they are done with us!"

Six months gone - not gone, hazy. Almost as hard to make out as the fucking memories they keep assailing her with.

"Retrospec has been fucking ALL us up, so I'm going to rain on your pity parade. I'm sorry that you being an over-achiever every day of your life isn't good enough to save us Mr. Woe-is-Me, but one person wouldn't be good enough on the best day."

She almost moves, but then the glare settles again.

"People get left in the dark, but if you're going to make me out into a bitch then I either abandoned you or I'm dead weight. Pick one."

Edited 2018-06-05 01:36 (UTC)

"I'm not him." The protest is weaker, but it is still there. "None of us are. Some people have come to some kind of peace with it, but it doesn't make any sense. Not physically, not spiritually, not philosophically. We aren't the same. We aren't."

"They can return us to the way we were, just a snap of the fingers. It doesn't help those souls they're trying to rescue. But we remain separate. Or there wouldn't have been anything of you left. There wouldn't be anything of Gentiana left now."

Mariko is knowingly throwing every single thing that he's been worried about back into his face. "I can't prove it." And then it hits him. His gaze had been dropping again, but now it settles into a full-on glare right back, challenging. "You're getting those memories, the same world as I am."

"Then you know about the concept of a stand alone complex."

Mariko blinks at the phrase that doesn't register before rolling her eyes.

"I remember a man with your face and shattering a man's ankle with a shot from a handgun after he jumped off of a skyscraper. That's all of the memories I have of this other world."

She crosses her arms and glowers at him, derision sliding into her expression easily.

"Can you just tell me that all this was just because were mad that Retrospec didn't reward your hard work by getting Gentiana back instead of me."

Just as fast as the words leave her mouth, Mariko uncrosses her arms and runs her fingers into her bangs almost shaking. He doesn't get it. He doesn't get it.

"You know better than this! You're too busy trying to make all the pieces you have fit together instead of letting something go and admitting you don't even have a full fucking puzzle to work off of."

He can't be right about the souls, Retrospec's abilities or the world that Retrospec is feeding him little by little. Even with all the pieces, no one makes it through being that right.

"Sometimes the only answer we can get is 'This is a raw fucking deal'," Her speech is coming faster now, pressured like arterial spray.

"You need to understand that it's a shitty answer and it might be the only one we ever get. If you don't figure out a way to cope, you're going to destroy whoever you think you are and Retrospec won't even have to lift a finger."

Edited 2018-06-05 14:03 (UTC)

The gamble doesn't work, and Togusa immediately feels terrible for trying it. Between her words, the feeling hits him hard. If Mariko is, in fact, remembering things from the same world as him? He suddenly has a lot of power. That he shouldn't leverage, no matter how pissed off he is. What if-

Jesus christ, what if she remembers Marcoh Amoretti?

The chill down his spine sobers him, and Togusa's whole body posture relaxes when he looks at Mariko again. Something has significantly spooked him.

"...That's not true." Quieter. "If I had a choice, I'd rather have you back than Gentiana. Retrospec- they don't know what they just unleashed on themselves by bringing you back. I've got no kind of, claim or whatever on Gentiana. She's her own woman, let her be. And if she came back, I might try to keep things the way they are too much."

"But I'm coping." His voice strengthens again. "If I were to let this go, just try to accept that I'll never get the answers? That's when I give up who I am. No, I don't have all the pieces, but that's why I keep collecting them. It's why I keep laying them out for you, or Tatsuo, or Ardyn, or a hundred people who might put it together better than me."

He runs that hand through his hair, floofing up the ends so they stick in every direction. "I'm not- trying to do this alone. But I am not going to personally stop trying. I didn't think you were one to stop at 'this fucking sucks' either. It's why I'm here."

Swallowing thickly, Mariko looks at the floor narrowing her eyes as he spoke. She stomped all over the one thing she knew was off limits and he still -

She can feel her cheeks flushing, embarrassed and awed by his honest reply.

"You think far too highly of me, Togusa. I've told you that since day one." God, when did she get so old. " I keep going because it's the right thing to do, but I'm not like you. I can't keep --"

It takes all she has to stop and breathe. She closes her eyes and breathes, envisions water everywhere around her so all she can focus on is the air in her chest until she has to come up for air.

"I owe you an apology. I owe you a lot of things."

She finally looks up at him and can't help but laugh for a second at his hair's continued inability to behave, before sobering.

"Sorry, I just. I'm tired, Togusa. Really, really tired. So I think, I'm just going to table this and just try and not think about it for a minute. Okay?"

The smile Togusa gives in return is just as tired. "I owe you just as much. And I know you're right on a lot of this." The question of whether Togusa is still going because it's the right thing to do? Or if it's all he has left? That's one that will get stomped down again and thought about another day.

"I am absolutely fine with tabling this if you are." He is too tired. He doesn't want to fight any more, especially not about this. He just got Mariko back. He can't ruin it. And he won't let her ruin it. It was such a nice try to drive him off, though. Bonus points for effort. But he'd argue that he doesn't think highly enough of her, or they never would have started this argument in the first place.

"Keep it," a vague hand at the papers. "I've already got it all anyway. Review it when it makes better sense to you."

Mariko looks to the papers when he waves to them, nodding with a half-mumbled 'yeah' on her lips. If they had been just a little more stressed or a little less willing to trust the other, despite not understanding - this night would have been disastrous. So it's a lie, there's one thing she can't table. Part of her has had enough of acting and speaking and assuming. She knows what it's like to go on until it's too late to say or do the right thing anymore.

A furrowed brow is all the warning Togusa gets as she closes the distance between them, wrapping her arms around him.

"Don't get used to this." Her tone is teasing, maybe a little embarrassed. " I just..."

She breathes a hard sigh, before continuing. This being candid shit was for the birds and Mariko could count on one hands the last she hugged someone just because she could. Just because she was grateful.

"I don't get you, Togusa. But I got your back, okay?" She'll take his bullshit hope they can figure this all out over Retrospec winning any day of the week.

"Just believe me on that, alright?"

The hug is probably the biggest surprise that Togusa has ever gotten out of Mari, but to his credit, he doesn't hesitate before raising his arms in return. He gets it. He's still here. They're still friends. This Retrospec crap isn't going to come between them.

Even if some of the unanswered questions are coming from each other now.

"I believe you." Firmly. "And know that it's true for you, as well."

He steps away, so he can look her in the eye. "I remember what's important, even through the rest of this."

Togusa will find a way to excuse himself before he overstays his welcome, give the both of them the time they need to ruminate on what they've learned tonight. In the end, it doesn't really matter what Mariko knows about "him" does it?

As he leaves, there's a ghost of a touch over that hole in his chest, reflexive. Maybe something matters.

Recolle IC Inbox

Re: 6/2 - Text

Re: 6/2 - Text

Re: 6/2 - Text

Re: 6/2 - Text

Re: 6/2 - Text

Re: 6/2 - Text

Re: 6/2 - Text

Re: 6/2 - Text

Re: 6/2 - Text

Re: 6/2 - Text

Re: 6/2 - Text

Re: 6/2 - Text

Re: 6/2 - Text

This has been Action for forever lol

Re: This has been Action for forever lol

Re: This has been Action for forever lol

Re: This has been Action for forever lol

Re: This has been Action for forever lol

Re: This has been Action for forever lol

no subject

Ffff I never capped this off.