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standalonehuman

Togusa

This is Togusa. Feel free to message me at any time.

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

megatechbody

Mariko blinks at the phrase that doesn't register before rolling her eyes.

"I remember a man with your face and shattering a man's ankle with a shot from a handgun after he jumped off of a skyscraper. That's all of the memories I have of this other world."

She crosses her arms and glowers at him, derision sliding into her expression easily.

"Can you just tell me that all this was just because were mad that Retrospec didn't reward your hard work by getting Gentiana back instead of me."

Just as fast as the words leave her mouth, Mariko uncrosses her arms and runs her fingers into her bangs almost shaking. He doesn't get it. He doesn't get it.

"You know better than this! You're too busy trying to make all the pieces you have fit together instead of letting something go and admitting you don't even have a full fucking puzzle to work off of."

He can't be right about the souls, Retrospec's abilities or the world that Retrospec is feeding him little by little. Even with all the pieces, no one makes it through being that right.

"Sometimes the only answer we can get is 'This is a raw fucking deal'," Her speech is coming faster now, pressured like arterial spray.

"You need to understand that it's a shitty answer and it might be the only one we ever get. If you don't figure out a way to cope, you're going to destroy whoever you think you are and Retrospec won't even have to lift a finger."

Edited Date: 2018-06-05 02:03 pm (UTC)

From:

standalonehuman

The gamble doesn't work, and Togusa immediately feels terrible for trying it. Between her words, the feeling hits him hard. If Mariko is, in fact, remembering things from the same world as him? He suddenly has a lot of power. That he shouldn't leverage, no matter how pissed off he is. What if-

Jesus christ, what if she remembers Marcoh Amoretti?

The chill down his spine sobers him, and Togusa's whole body posture relaxes when he looks at Mariko again. Something has significantly spooked him.

"...That's not true." Quieter. "If I had a choice, I'd rather have you back than Gentiana. Retrospec- they don't know what they just unleashed on themselves by bringing you back. I've got no kind of, claim or whatever on Gentiana. She's her own woman, let her be. And if she came back, I might try to keep things the way they are too much."

"But I'm coping." His voice strengthens again. "If I were to let this go, just try to accept that I'll never get the answers? That's when I give up who I am. No, I don't have all the pieces, but that's why I keep collecting them. It's why I keep laying them out for you, or Tatsuo, or Ardyn, or a hundred people who might put it together better than me."

He runs that hand through his hair, floofing up the ends so they stick in every direction. "I'm not- trying to do this alone. But I am not going to personally stop trying. I didn't think you were one to stop at 'this fucking sucks' either. It's why I'm here."

From:

megatechbody

Swallowing thickly, Mariko looks at the floor narrowing her eyes as he spoke. She stomped all over the one thing she knew was off limits and he still -

She can feel her cheeks flushing, embarrassed and awed by his honest reply.

"You think far too highly of me, Togusa. I've told you that since day one." God, when did she get so old. " I keep going because it's the right thing to do, but I'm not like you. I can't keep --"

It takes all she has to stop and breathe. She closes her eyes and breathes, envisions water everywhere around her so all she can focus on is the air in her chest until she has to come up for air.

"I owe you an apology. I owe you a lot of things."

She finally looks up at him and can't help but laugh for a second at his hair's continued inability to behave, before sobering.

"Sorry, I just. I'm tired, Togusa. Really, really tired. So I think, I'm just going to table this and just try and not think about it for a minute. Okay?"

From:

standalonehuman

The smile Togusa gives in return is just as tired. "I owe you just as much. And I know you're right on a lot of this." The question of whether Togusa is still going because it's the right thing to do? Or if it's all he has left? That's one that will get stomped down again and thought about another day.

"I am absolutely fine with tabling this if you are." He is too tired. He doesn't want to fight any more, especially not about this. He just got Mariko back. He can't ruin it. And he won't let her ruin it. It was such a nice try to drive him off, though. Bonus points for effort. But he'd argue that he doesn't think highly enough of her, or they never would have started this argument in the first place.

"Keep it," a vague hand at the papers. "I've already got it all anyway. Review it when it makes better sense to you."

From:

megatechbody

Mariko looks to the papers when he waves to them, nodding with a half-mumbled 'yeah' on her lips. If they had been just a little more stressed or a little less willing to trust the other, despite not understanding - this night would have been disastrous. So it's a lie, there's one thing she can't table. Part of her has had enough of acting and speaking and assuming. She knows what it's like to go on until it's too late to say or do the right thing anymore.

A furrowed brow is all the warning Togusa gets as she closes the distance between them, wrapping her arms around him.

"Don't get used to this." Her tone is teasing, maybe a little embarrassed. " I just..."

She breathes a hard sigh, before continuing. This being candid shit was for the birds and Mariko could count on one hands the last she hugged someone just because she could. Just because she was grateful.

"I don't get you, Togusa. But I got your back, okay?" She'll take his bullshit hope they can figure this all out over Retrospec winning any day of the week.

"Just believe me on that, alright?"

From:

standalonehuman

The hug is probably the biggest surprise that Togusa has ever gotten out of Mari, but to his credit, he doesn't hesitate before raising his arms in return. He gets it. He's still here. They're still friends. This Retrospec crap isn't going to come between them.

Even if some of the unanswered questions are coming from each other now.

"I believe you." Firmly. "And know that it's true for you, as well."

He steps away, so he can look her in the eye. "I remember what's important, even through the rest of this."

Togusa will find a way to excuse himself before he overstays his welcome, give the both of them the time they need to ruminate on what they've learned tonight. In the end, it doesn't really matter what Mariko knows about "him" does it?

As he leaves, there's a ghost of a touch over that hole in his chest, reflexive. Maybe something matters.