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[standalonehuman]

Togusa

This is Togusa. Feel free to message me at any time.

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phone call

[vendettastool]

Yeah?

[ Main reason why he was texting was the fact he was tense, short, and maybe a little drunk. ]

Re: phone call

[standalonehuman]

"Tell me you meant to send that to me. And tell me what the hell you meant."

[Togusa is just as short back, but it's out of concern, not- whatever it is Yoon-Sung is feeling.]

[vendettastool]

You're the only cop I know that would probably not lock me up.

[ Because it wasn't a dream. He remembered the feeling, remembered how he just looked at the guy like he wanted to tear him apart. ]

It was one of those things so not in this reality at least.

[standalonehuman]

Okay. Togusa feels his heart start back up again, thanks, Yoon-Sung. He audibly breathes out.

"Pretty sure our jurisdiction ends at the bounds of reality."

"What happened? What did you see?" If Yoon-Sung needs to tell someone, he'll listen.

[vendettastool]

"Yeah, well, doesn't mean that it's less valid."

He has a temper. Usually it was easy to keep under control through the liberal use of video game violence and thrill seeking activities, but it still was there, simmering under his playboy antics. It was half the reason why his past kidnapping event made him shake.

"I was walking after this guy while holding a knife. Not one of those hobby knives, but something heavy and sharp and serious. The guy was older, dressed in expensive business wear and carrying a bunch of papers, and he was panicking, running up this ramp over a highway."

[standalonehuman]

Togusa won't object audibly to that. Can't punish you for killing a man who never existed in this world. If that's even what's going on? The blood isn't on Yoon-sung's hands.

"He was afraid of you?" Togusa prompts. "Running away, but you were going after him anyway?" Damn. This is worse than anything Togusa could have predicted someone would see from Retrospec. What if Retrospec tries to convince one of them they're a killer? Not in some self-defense scenario, but actual killer? His breath is held while he waits for Yoon-sung to explain more.

[vendettastool]

"Yeah, he was afraid of me. He kept on looking over his shoulder at me."

The way the guy looked at him, like he had never seen anything so scary in his life had Yoon-sung feel two different things. One was a sick sense of satisfaction, of focused anger and glee knowing that the guy was finally realizing what fear was like. The other was the dread of knowing he could feel that without flinching.

"I had on some kind of mask so it wasn't that he could see my face, and I wasn't running after him. I was just walking like I knew he wasn't going to get away."

What did some people call it? That human trick of just following their prey until the prey wore itself out? It was the same kind of stalking.

"The guy tripped and lost all his papers, and he was trying to get the, back when he stumbled over the guard rail."

[standalonehuman]

Togusa can only listen, not much he can do with Yoon-sung's words. This is very very different than anything he's heard out of the man before. "Was that all? No clue who the man was or why the person you were seeing was after him?" Choosing his words carefully.

"I'll always argue that you shouldn't blame yourself for what that other person has done, the things Retrospec is showing you. It might not even have been his fault."

[vendettastool]

"Only that I wanted him to die. I didn't care if I was the one to do it; I mean, he was hanging off the bridge over the highway under us. Even if he survived the fall, the cars would have still hit him."

This was not a good memory. He had a couple bad ones before, but this was actual murder even if he wasn't holding the weapon. To Yoon-sung, it hit home that whoever the past other had been, he was not just a silly person with a crappy past.

"The bad thing really was that I turned my back on the guy. He's hanging over the freeway, and I just turned and started walking away."

[standalonehuman]

Togusa shuts his eyes tight on his end of the phone, because he can see it, himself, so vividly. What do you even say to this? "Without context, it's not right to blame yourself over this. Is there any context that would make that sit well with you? Probably not. You aren't that sort of man. And you don't have to turn into that sort of man."

Togusa is careful not to aim his long sigh into the phone speaker. "I'm not going to judge you for it. If that's what you were calling here for, I'm not the person to give it. But if you have to live with his decisions, you also have to keep reminding yourself that they aren't your choices."

[vendettastool]

"I guess...."

And he is trying to bring this under control, trying to lock it away like he has done so for other bad memories. That it wasn't really his didn't matter. A part of himself felt that it was and that part was far too relaxed over the whole thing. Was that child beating on things in the rain suppose to turn into this?

"I guess all I wanted to do was to tell someone. I could talk to David, he gets this shit from me all the time. But I think I wanted to talk to someone older, and someone that I can trust."

[standalonehuman]

"I-" Togusa is quietly incredibly honored that Yoon-sung considers him someone he could trust. "Thank you. I'm glad you have someone at all that you can trust. Good that you've got more than one so you're not putting it all on David, I suppose."

This time Togusa does sigh so that Yoon-sung can hear it. "You know my position on this, I'll be the one to keep reminding you that he's not you. That you don't have to turn into him, no matter what Retrospec does. And you don't have to feel the guilt of someone else's actions."

[vendettastool]

"I'm suppose to trust my bodyguard, you know?" After all, it would be hard to put up with the rules if he couldn't stand being around the guy for more then a few minutes at a time. "He's pretty level-headed but yeah, he doesn't need to always keep me in one piece."

He nods even if Togusa couldn't see it. It was just nice to know that he felt that way and that Yoon-sung wasn't weird for being a little guilty over this.

"Yeah... I know I shouldn't. I guess it was just a shock of it, you know."

[standalonehuman]

"It's healthier to have more than one person that you trust with this sort of thing," Togusa agrees. "Better that he knows what's going on again, though." Yoon-sung did not seem to be doing so well when David was out of the loop, so to speak.

"Give it some time to process, then. It'll feel less bad when you get some distance. But if you do need to talk to someone when these come up, my phone's always open. Just. Yeah, make it a phone call next time if it involves killing someone? Or a clarification that it's a memory and not something happening right now?" Because seriously, Yoon-sung. Togusa is too young to have a heart attack.

[vendettastool]

"Yeah... I guess I will have to tell him soon."

He had talked to him about the dreams or nightmares from his kidnapping but he wasn't sure if this would also fall into the same thing. There were a lot of things Yoon-sung wasn't sure about and - even if him and Togusa were near the same age - it still felt like he was talking to someone a bit older.

"Thanks, for. You know, listening and all. I'm sorry I gave you a heart attack though. I still wasn't sure, you know?"

[standalonehuman]

"I'd rather be here for somebody to talk to than let them just sit and stew on it." Togusa is smiling reassuringly on his end, although Yoon-sung can't see it.

"I'm gonna try again for sleep, if you're all right?"

[vendettastool]

"I think I'll be better now. Thanks for listening."